What It Means to Belong
When I first moved to China in 2012, I expected to be an outsider. That was natural—I was young, fresh out of university, and stepping into a country with a vastly different culture, language, and way of life. I didn’t expect to be fully accepted, and I didn’t necessarily try to change that. But I did assume that after a decade of living there—learning the language, building relationships, doing business, and immersing myself in the culture—I would at least be recognized as someone who understood China.
But what I came to realize is that in China, understanding isn’t the same as belonging.
China has a deeply ingrained concept called 自己人 (zì jǐ rén)—which translates to “one of us.” It’s a distinction between insiders and outsiders that shapes social interactions, trust, and belonging. To be 自己人 means you’re part of the inner circle—you share common roots, a deep cultural connection, and an unspoken sense of loyalty.
But as a Caucasian person, I could never fully enter that inner circle—no matter how fluent I became in Mandarin, no matter how much I adapted or understood the culture. Meanwhile, my ABC (American-Born Chinese) counterparts or other Asians didn’t face the same barrier. Even if they grew up outside of China and barely spoke the language, they were often extended a level of acceptance that I wasn’t. There was a built-in familiarity, a cultural shorthand that allowed them to be seen as one of their own in a way that was never available to me.
This was something I noticed long before I even started my agency. I could say something in perfect Mandarin, and people would hear it one way. But if a Chinese person said the exact same thing, it was interpreted differently—more effectively. The words didn’t change. The meaning didn’t change. But the person delivering the message did, and that changed everything.
At first, this was frustrating. I had spent years learning the language, immersing myself in the culture, and trying to communicate in a way that felt natural to me. But no matter how well I spoke, I was still viewed as an outsider. Then, I started to realize something that would shape my entire approach to leadership and business:
True influence isn’t about being the one to say the message—it’s about ensuring the right person is delivering it.
How LGBTQ Activism in China Taught Me About Cultural Influence
From 2014 to 2018, I spent a lot of time organizing LGBTQ activities in China, eventually leading one of the country’s most influential LGBTQ organizations. During this time, I learned firsthand how cultural nuances shape perception and persuasion.
For example, one of our campaigns was encouraging local shops to put a rainbow sticker on their doors as a sign of LGBTQ support. At first, I would personally speak with shop owners, explaining why visibility mattered and how it could positively impact their business. But I quickly realized that no matter how well I made my case, my words didn’t carry the same weight as when a Chinese team member made the exact same point.
It wasn’t that my logic was flawed—it was that my identity shaped how the message was received. For many of these business owners, LGBTQ rights were already a new and sensitive topic, and hearing about it from a foreign voice made it feel even more external. But when a Chinese advocate framed the same discussion from their cultural perspective, it was more relatable, credible, and effective.
That realization changed how I operated. Instead of being directly involved in conversations, I focused on helping others on my team strengthen their voices so they could advocate more persuasively. I stepped back from day-to-day communications with certain stakeholders and shifted toward building a system where the right people could lead the conversations.
This wasn’t just about activism—this was a lesson in business, leadership, and global influence.
Influence in Business: Selling to the Right Psychology
What I learned as an LGBTQ activist in China applies directly to business and sales.
Good business—especially in global markets—is about understanding the psychology of the person you’re working with and ensuring that they hear the message from someone who resonates with them.
This isn’t just true in China—it’s true anywhere in the world. If you’re selling a product, pitching a partnership, or negotiating a deal, the key question isn’t “How do I convince them?” but rather:
👉 “Who on my team can communicate this in a way that makes the other party feel comfortable?”
👉 “How can I position my message so that it feels natural to their worldview?”
This is a valuable approach to navigating global business, especially when working across cultures. It ties into a simple but powerful framework:
Three Tips Towards Influence in Global Business
✅ Recognize When You’re an Outsider
- Learn to assess where you fit in different business cultures. Don’t assume you can walk into a new market and operate the same way you do at home.
✅ Find the Right Cultural Intermediaries
- Work with individuals who can bridge the gap between your perspective and the local mindset. Identify the right people to deliver your message.
✅ Shape the Strategy, But Let Others Deliver It
- Influence behind the scenes. Build the strategy, provide the vision, but let the most effective voice in the room be the one that gets heard.
Mastering this approach allows you to navigate any cultural landscape with credibility and impact—whether you’re selling in Shanghai, New York, or Paris.
Work With Me: Consulting, Speaking, and Strategy
If you or your company is looking to:
✅ Expand into a new market and need insights on cultural business strategy
✅ Bring in an expert speaker for a conference or corporate event
✅ Learn how to build influence and sell more effectively in global markets
📩 Let’s connect.
👉 Subscribe to my newsletter for weekly insights on global business, culture, and leadership.
Whether in activism, business, or sales, the lesson is the same: real influence isn’t about forcing your way in—it’s about knowing how to navigate the system and work through the right people.
About the Author
Gabby Gabriel is an international entrepreneur, author, and public speaker, recognized as one of USA Today’s Top Entrepreneurs of 2024. As the Founder of GAB INC., a global marketing powerhouse, she has helped some of the world’s most iconic brands navigate international markets through innovative storytelling and cross-cultural strategy. Having spent 10 years in China and 2 years in Southeast Asia, Gabby brings deep expertise in business psychology, cultural influence, and brand positioning. She is also the co-founder of Second Wind Media with Joe Germanotta (Entrepreneur & Lady Gaga’s Father), blending entertainment, omni-channel marketing, and technology to redefine storytelling. When she’s not in a major metropolis, she’s exploring the coast somewhere beautiful.
